今天的演讲主题是“为什么你应该去做些无用的事?”

　　这个演讲不光创意和幽默感爆棚，内涵更是深刻。此次演讲意在告诉人生没有白走的路，每一步都充满意义。

　　为什么你要做那些无用的事？

　　Hello.My name is Simone.You know how people tell you if you get nervous when on stage,picture people in the audience naked?Like it's this thing that's supposed to make you feel better.But I was thinking--picturing all of you naked in 2018 feels kind of weird and wrong.

　　大家好。我是Simone。人们总是告诉你当你在舞台上感到紧张的时候，假想观众都没穿衣服就好了。说的就像这真能让你感觉好点一样。但是我一直在想——在2018年想象你们都没穿衣服实在有点不太对啊。

　　Like,we're working really hard on moving past stuff like that,so we need a new method of dealing with if you get nervous on stage.And I realized that what I'd really like is that I can look at you as much as you're looking at me--just to even things out a little bit.So if I had way more eyeballs,then we'dall be really comfortable,right?So in preparation for this talk,I made myself a shirt.(Rattling)

　　我们都有在努力克服这样的问题，所以我们需要一种新方法，来应付舞台恐惧症。我意识到，我真正想要的是我能跟你们看着我一样看着你们，只是为了公平一点。所以如果我有更多眼睛的话，那我们就都会很舒服，对吧？所以为了准备这次演讲我给自己做了件T恤（窸窸窣窣的声音）

　　It's googly eyes.It took me 14 hours and 227 googly eyes to make this shirt.And being able to look at you as much as you're looking at me is actually only half of the reason I made this.The other half is being able to do this.(Googly eyes rattle)

　　这就是大眼睛T恤。花了我14个小时，以及227个大眼睛贴片。能够像你们看着我一样看着你们这件事，其实只是我制作这件T恤的部分原因。另一半原因是我可以这么玩儿。（大眼睛T恤的响声）

　　So I do a lot of things like this.I see a problem and I invent some sort of solution to it.For example,brushing your teeth.Like,it's this thing we all have to do,it's kind of boring,and nobody really likes it.If there were any seven-year-olds in the audience,they'd belike,"Yes!"So what about if you had a machine that could do it for you?

　　我做过很多这样的事。我发现了一个问题，就会发明某个解决方法来应对它。比如刷牙这件事：这就是一件大家都得做，但是又有点无聊的事，而且没人真正喜欢刷牙。如果在座有7岁小朋友的话，他们肯定会大喊“就是这样！”那么要不要来一台自动帮你刷牙的机器呢？

　　So my toot brush helmet is recommended by zero out of 10 dentists,and it definitely did not revolutionize the world of dentistry,but it did completely change my life.Because I finished making this toothbrush helmet three years ago and after I finished making it,I went into my living room and I put up a camera,and I filmed a seven-second clip of it working.

　　10位牙医中，有0位推荐了我的牙刷头盔，它也肯定不算颠覆牙医界的伟大发明，但它确实改变了我的生活。因为3年前我做出了这个头盔，完成制作之后，我在客厅架起了摄像机，录了一个7秒长的头盔操作视频。

　　And by now,this is a pretty standard modern-day fairy tale of girl posting on the internet,the internet takes the girl by storm,thousands of men voyage into the comment sections to ask for her hand in marriage--She ignores all of them,starts a YouTube channel and keeps on building robots.

　　现在，这成了一个标准的现代版童话：一个女孩在网上发帖，跟上了互联网浪潮，数以千计的男人们涌进评论区，邀请她进入婚姻殿堂——而她无视了他们所有人，创立了一个YouTube频道，继续搭建机器人。

　　Since then,I've carved out this little niche for myself on the internet as an inventor of useless machines,because as we all know,the easiest way to be at the top of your field is to choose a very small field.

　　从那时起我在互联网上为自己发掘出了这么一个商机：无用机器发明者。因为大家都知道，成为你所在行业人物的最简单方法，就是选择一个非常小的行业。

　　So I run a YouTube channel about my machines,and I've done things like cutting hair with drones--(Drone buzzes)(Drone crashes)(Drone buzzes)

　　所以我在运营一个关于我的机器的YouTube频道，我有试过用无人机剪头发——（无人机噪声）（无人机坠毁）（无人机噪声）

　　I'm not an engineer.I did not study engineering in school.But I was a super ambitious student growing up.In middle school and high school,I had straight A's,and I graduated at the top of my year.On the flip side of that,I struggled with very severe performance anxiety.

　　我不是个工程师，我没学过工程学，但我从小就是个特别有远大志向的学生。无论初中高中我一路拿的都是A，而且我毕业那年还是名列前茅的。但另一面是，我当时有非常严重的表现焦虑。

　　Here's an email I sent to my brother around that time."You won't understand how difficult it is for me to tell you,to confess this.I'm so freaking embarrassed.I don't want people to think that I'm stupid.Now I'm starting to cry too.Damn."And no,I did not accidentally burn our parents'house down.The thing I'm writing about in the email and the thing I'm so upset about is that I got a B on a math test.

　　这是一封当时我写给我兄弟的邮件。“你不会明白，光是告诉你这件事，对我来说有多难。实在是太难堪了。我不希望人们觉得我是个傻子。我现在居然还开始哭了。真讨厌。”别误会，我可没有不小心把爸妈的房子烧了。信里面那件让我如此焦虑不安的事其实是，有一次数学测验我只拿了B。

　　So something obviously happened between here and here.One of those things was puberty.

　　所以这两种情况之间一定发生了什么事情。其中一件是青春期的到来。

　　Beautiful time indeed.But more over,I got interested in building robots,and I wanted to teach myself about hardware.But building things with hardware,especially if you're teaching yourself,is something that's really difficult to do.It has a high likelihood of failure and more over,it has a high likelihood of making you feel stupid.And that was my biggest fear at the time.

　　非常美丽的时期。但除此之外，我开始对搭建机器人感兴趣，我还想自学硬件知识。但搭建需要硬件的东西，尤其是当你是在自学的时候，是一件非常困难的事情。失败几率非常高，并且，这很有可能让你觉得自己超级智障。而那就是我当时的恐惧。

　　So I came up with a setup that would guarantee success 100 percent of the time.With my setup,it would be nearly impossible to fail.And that was that instead of trying to succeed,I was going to try to build things that would fail.And even though I didn't realize it at the time,building stupid things was actually quite smart,because as I kept on learning about hardware,for the first time in my life,I did not have to deal with my performance anxiety.And as soon as I removed all pressure and expectations from myself,that pressure quickly got replaced by enthusiasm,and it allowed me to just play.

　　所以我做了一个一定能保证100%成功率的设定。根据我的设定，失败可能性几乎为零。我打算再试着获得成功，我要制作一个肯定失败的机器。尽管我当时并没有意识到，但实际上，制作一无是处东西其实还是个挺聪明的点子。因为当我对硬件的学习更加深入的时候，我人生中次，不用应对自我表现方面的焦虑。并且当我卸除了所有对自己的压力与期待后，压力很快就被热情取代，我就可以只是瞎玩了。

　　So as an inventor,I'm interested in things that people struggle with.It can be small things or big things or medium-sized things and something like giving a TED talk presents this whole new set of problems that I can solve.And identifying a problem is the first step in my process of building a useless machine.

　　所以，作为一个发明者，我对人们很难做到的事情很感兴趣。可以是小事，大事，或者二者之间的事。而做一场TED演讲，带来了一系列我能解决的全新问题。而发现问题则是搭建一个无用机器的步。

　　So before I came here,I sat down and I thought of some of the potential problems I might have in giving this talk.Forgetting what to say.That people won't laugh--that's you.Or even worse,that you'll laugh at the wrong things--that was an OK part to laugh at,thank you.

　　在我来这里之前，我坐下来好好思考了一番演讲时可能遇到的问题：忘词，没人笑——说的就是你哦。或者更糟的是，你们笑错地方了，这里你们其实是可以笑的，谢谢。

　　Or that when I get nervous,my hands start shaking and I'm really self-conscious about it.Or that my fly has been open this entire time and all of you noticed but I didn't,but it's closed so we're all good on that one.

　　或者我一紧张就会手抖，我还非常清楚这一点。或者我的裤子拉链一直都没拉上，所有人都注意到了，就我没有。但它是拉好的，所以没事了。

　　But one thing I'm actually really nervous about is my hands shaking.I remember when I was a kid,giving presentations in school,I would have my notes on a piece of paper,and I would put a notebook behind the paper so that people wouldn't be able to see the paper quivering.And I give a lot of talks.I know that about half of you in the audience are probably like,"Building useless machines is really fun,but how is thisin any way or form a business?"

　　我最担心的就是手抖这个问题了。我还记得我小时候在学校做演讲时，我会在一张纸上准备讲稿，并将纸贴到一个笔记本上，这样人们就看不出纸在颤抖了。我做过很多演讲。我知道你们中有一半听众都可能这么想：“制作无用机器确实挺好玩，但这怎么可能是商机呢？”

　　And giving talks is a part of it.And the arrangers always put out a glass of water for you on stage so you have something to drink if you get thirsty,and I always so badly want to drink that water,but I don't dare to pick the glass up because then people might be able to see that my hands are shaking.So what about a machine that hands you a glass of water?Sold to the nervous girl in the googly-eye shirt.

　　演讲就是其中的一部分，组织者一定会在讲台上给你放杯水，这样你渴的时候就有水喝了。我每次都超级想喝那杯水，但我没有勇气拿起杯子，因为人们可能就看出我的手在抖。那么要不要来一台递给你一杯水的机器呢？就卖给穿大眼睛T恤的那位紧张女孩！

　　I still don't know what to call this,but I think some sort of"head orbit device,"because it rotates this platform around you and you can put anything on it.You can have a camera;youcan get photos of your entire head.Like it's really--it's a very versatile machine.

　　我还是不知道给它起什么名字。就叫“头部环绕仪”之类的吧。因为这个平台会绕着你的头旋转，你想放什么东西上去都可以。比如放一台摄像机，你就可以拍到你整个头部的照片。这是一台非常多功能的机器。

　　OK,and I have--I mean,you can put some snacks on it,for example,if you want to.I have some popcorn here.And you just put a little bit like that.And then you want to--there's some sacrifices for science--just some popcorn falling on the floor.Let's do the long way around.(Robot buzzes)

　　好了。比如你们还可以把零食放上去啊，如果你想的话。我这有些爆米花。你就这么放一点上去。如果你想——这有一些科学的牺牲品——一些爆米花掉地上了。我们来绕个大圈吧。（机器声)

　　And then you have a little hand.You need to adjust the height of it,and you just do it by shrugging.

　　这儿有只小手。你得把高度调整一下，耸耸肩就可以。

　　It has a little hand.(Hand thwacks)这就是小手。（手掌拍打声）

　　I just bumped my mic off,but I think we'reall good.OK,also I need to chew this popcorn,so if you guys could just clap your hands a little bit more--OK,so it's like your own little personal solar system,because I'm a millennial,so I want everything to revolve around me.

　　我把麦克风拍掉了，但应该没事儿。好的，我先把爆米花咽下去，所以你们再鼓一会掌好了。这就像个私人迷你太阳系，因为我是千禧一代，所以我希望所有东西都围着我转。

　　Back to the glass of water,that's what we're here for.So,I promise--I mean,it still has--it doesn't have any water in it,I'm sorry.But I still need to work on this machine a little bit because I still need to pick up the glass and put it on the platform,but if your hands are shaking a little bit,nobody's going to notice because you're wearing a very mesmerizing piece of equipment.

　　回到那杯水的问题，那是我们来到这里的原因。我保证，它里头还有——这杯子里面没有水，抱歉。但我还得调整一下这个机器，因为我还是得拿起杯子放到平台上，但如果你的手在抖，没有人能注意到了，因为你身上正穿着一台很迷人的机器呢。

　　So,we're all good.OK.(Robot buzzes)(Singing)目前为止一切正常。很好。（机器声）（歌声）

　　Oh no,it got stuck.Isn't it comforting that even robots sometimes get stage fright?It just gets stuck a little bit.It's very human of them.Oh wait,let's go back a little bit,and then--(Glass falls)

　　哦不，它卡住了。连机器都会犯舞台恐惧症，是不是很让人放松啊？它只是有一点点卡住。非常人性化哦。等一下，我们倒回去一点。然后——（玻璃杯触地声）

　　Isn't it a beautiful time to be alive?

　　活在这个时代真好，是吧？

　　So as much as my machines can seem like simple engineering slap stick,I realize that I stumbled on something bigger than that.It's this expression of joy and humility that often gets lost inengineering,and for me it was a way to learn about hardware without having my performance anxiety get in the way.I often get asked if I think I'm ever going to build something useful,and maybe someday I will.

　　我的机器看起来像是在用工程学做简单的恶搞，但我意识到我触及到了一些比这更重要的事。制造机器时往往无法表现得开心或谦逊。对我而言，用这种方式学硬件，是不会受到表现焦虑症干扰的。经常有人问我，我以后会不会制作一些有用的东西？可能有一天我会。

　　But the way I see it,I already have because I've built myself this job and it's something that I could never have planned for,or that I could--It's something that I could never have planned for.Instead it happened just because I was enthusiastic about what I was doing,and I was sharing that enthusiasm with other people.

　　但我觉得，我早已做到了。这份工作是我为自己创造出的。这是我无法计划出来的。或者——这是我永远也无法计划出的。相反，这一切的发生只是因为我对这个工作充满热情，并且我在与他人分享我的热情。

　　To me that's the true beauty of making useless things,because it's this acknowledgment that you don't always know what the best answer is.And it turns off that voice in your head that tells you that you know exactly how the world works.And maybe a toothbrush helmet isn't the answer,but at least you're asking the question.

　　对于我，那就是制作无用机器最美的部分。因为你已经承认，你不一定知道的答案是什么。它让你不再盲目认为自己已经完全了解世界怎么运作。可能一台牙刷头盔并不是标准答案，但至少你提出了问题。

　　Thank you.(Applause)谢谢。